Coping With Mom Guilt…

Happy Mother’s Day to all you Hispanic mother’s out there! Since we didn’t get a chance to do anything on Sunday, my mom, my sister and I are planning on going to dinner today since it’s Mexican Mother’s Day. As always, I’m super grateful for my amazing mom and my awesome kids. I absolutely love being a mom…but I will be the first to admit that it can be hard sometimes. Pregnancy, birth, taking care of a newborn and trying to adjust to a sleepless schedule, breastfeeding, weaning, teething, shots, school, homework, all that can be challenging and overwhelming at times. My daughters are 6 and 9 right now and let me tell you that the challenges don’t end when they are babies…

One of the hardest things I’ve had to deal with as a mom, is trying to balance everything. Life and work more specifically. I was very lucky that I didn’t have to work when I was pregnant and that I was able to take a year off after both my daughters were born. I got to be there for all those ‘first’ and I really got to enjoy the first year of their lives. Once I went back to work, as much as I missed my kids…a part of me also liked being out of the house and having some adult interaction (and some time away), which would make me feel super guilty. I used to work full-time and I had a one hour commute (one way) to work so I was gone from my house from 7am to 6pm, I felt like I never saw my kids, because I didn’t. I got home, made dinner, cleaned up the kitchen, helped with homework, made sure they showered and sent them to bed. I would see them for about 3 hours a day on weekdays which was just terrible. Since we worked so far, their dad and I never got to go to any of their school events or concerts or parties or any of that stuff. Luckily, I didn’t have to worry about their transportation to and from school because we would drop them off at my parents house in the morning and my dad took them and picked them up from school since we lived in the same city.

When my old company relocated to the East Coast and I opted not to go, we decided that I would try out being a stay at home mom. I would finally get to go to all these school events and maybe even volunteer at school once in a while. I quickly realized that this wasn’t my sort of thing, I have a hard time talking to new people and most of these moms seem to have their own…cliques, which always made me feel like an odd mom out. To make ends meet, I took up a nanny job for a 5 month old baby. Now, even if I wanted to go to certain school events, I couldn’t because of the baby…

Right now, I’m facing the dilemma of continuing to nanny and stay at home or going back to work full-time and it’s such a hard choice! Since I live in a different city as my family (about 20 minutes on the freeway), I don’t have anyone that would be able to pick up my kids from school or stay home with them until we get out of work. My other option would be to move them from their A+ rated school to the old school they used to go to, which is rated a D, so that my dad can pick them up. Something I REALLY don’t want to do since they (and I) love their school. I was hoping to enroll them in an after-school program, since I really don’t want to have to leave them with strangers, but the program maxes out at 100 spots each year and they always give priority to the kids who have already been enrolled. I feel like it’s between my kids going to a good school or me being able to work which I can’t help feeling that it isn’t fair. I seriously don’t know how all you working mother’s do it, huge props to you! Whatever ends up happening, I’m sure I’ll find a way to make it work somehow. But I do hate being stuck in this ‘I don’t know what’s gonna happen stage.’

I have to admit, that I don’t follow mommy blogs because seeing all those perfect moms hits me with a sort of envy and guilt of all the things I may be doing wrong…or differently. Here are a few other mom things that make me feel guilty, feel free to share your own in the comments because hey, nobody is perfect! At the end of the day, my kids love me and think I’m the best mom and that’s all I could ask for. I must be doing something right. ?
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Mom Guilt:

  • I despise helping my kids with their homework. I do it because I have to, but it puts me in a bad mood most days. Especially now taht I have two kids in school and their homework is so stupid.
  • I have zero desire to volunteer for school events or PTO.
  • I let my kids watch Netflix (kids shows) when I have a headache and I need a nap.
  • I cuss in front of my kids. I have such a freaking sailor mouth and it’s hard for me to turn it off in front of my kids. Luckily, my kids know that those are words that adults can say and not them and they don’t repeat them.
  • I listen to music with cuss words in them. I don’t really think there is anything wrong with swear words, they are just words to express certain feelings. I love listening to Pink and sometimes she drops some cuss words in her songs and I still listen to them. Like I said above, they know not to sing those parts…
  • We always take our kids with us, we like having them around and feel guilty if we go to the movies without them or to eat without them. But sometimes, we just want to enjoy a night out by ourselves. This past weekend we just went camping without them and as much as I missed them, it was nice being able to relax and not constantly having to worry if they were safe all the time.
  • I like to watch tv by myself, without any distractions. This is one of the reasons I rarely watch tv. The rare time that I do, I kick them out of my room.
  • Sometimes, I like going to Target or even grocery shopping by myself. Most of the time, I try to go when they are in school but since I have the baby in the day time, I usually end up going on nights or weekends and I leave them home with their dad. It’s just nice to be able to get my shopping done quick or to be able to browse the Target aisles peacefully.
  • Shitty music puts me in a bad mood, if my kids like a song but I hate the artist, I refuse to listen to it. Arianna Grande is banned from my house and my car!
  • I throw their old homework, schoolwork or drawings. I don’t know about your kids, but my kids bring about 10-15 papers of school work or homework every day! They also love to draw and make me soooo many pictures. I have a few drawers and boxes saved for my favorite drawings, but I just can’t save them all! I go through their papers every few months and throw out some of them (I keep my favorites), which makes me feel super shitty but I just can’t keep all that paper.

There you have it, some mom things that make me feel guilty. What are yours and how do you deal with it?

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